Filaments of a Marionette
by Karosai
Summary: Squall - Leon x Cloud (BL)(CloudPOV):Takes place after Kingdom Hearts is closed (end of the game) Squall and Cloud stay behind in Traverse Town after the others returned to their world, Squall to protect someone, Cloud to hide (Now with chapter 9)
1. Memory's Wire

So, what are you supposed to say when the eyes of the world slide shut? They found me, well…Cid did. I was knocked unconscious laying on the steps of Traverse Town with my eyes closed tightly. That was how it started, just like every other beginning this universe seemed to possess. Traverse Town was for people that had nowhere else to go…so when I heard Sora closed the door to Kingdom Hearts, I knew I couldn't go home anymore. I knew I couldn't go back after everything…couldn't face my sins. Traverse Town was a place to run away too, and hiding was something I had become accustomed to. I hid from Sephiroth, from myself…reality was over-rated.

The truth is, there is no light, the shadows are just reflecting on themselves so that the shadows with the most reflections are the darkest. I'm the darkest. Everyone reflects on me until I can't see anymore… All those shadows, all that darkness… There doesn't need to be a light for a shadow to exist.

It's that thinking that lead me to decide to stay in Traverse Town. That look that Aeris gave me when I asked to be alone didn't even touch me. I'm becoming a heartless bastard too, I suppose. I'm untouchable… However…with that door sealed, I'm not so sure that it matters what I lost anymore.

"Come with me…please Cloud," she had begged as she pulled at my wrist.

Aeris…was not one to judge me. I knew now that she had traded places with Tifa. She was just as much of a coward as I was. Tifa…was my insanity your fault? Of course it was… Letting my believe those lies my fears created… No wonder Aeris wanted you dead instead of her.

I still see that darkness clouding the night when I close my eyes, ruining the harmony of my life. We had revived Aeris after one death…but as we watched it consumed some bright light…some weakly shadowed being blinded me as I was taken through the door…and Aeris ran with Yuffie and Tifa, following behind Yuffie. A rock fell and trapped Tifa after Yuffie ran through. As she reached her hand out, begging for Aeris to heal her, Aeris just smiled in that innocent manner and ran through the door…leaving Tifa for dead.

I can't hate Aeris though… I killed Vincent. I killed him as I felt that wing grow from my back and raise itself into the air with blood dripping from the feathers. I knew then that Sephiroth was alive…somewhere…that one-winged angel whom I was the imperfect clone. That demon whose lips kissed along my neck and arms around my waist as we meet. That holy being that made me blank…like a marionette, hanging from knotted strings. I could still feel his blood dripping from my fingers as I came back into consciousness. I remembered staring at my blood-stained hands and then noticing my whole body was covered…and naked. I…think that was the first time I had cried for years.

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"What have I done? Sephiroth…of all things don't make me a rapist too…" I had begged into the chilled night air.

Vincent…was my lover at that time. Sephiroth made me kill him to hurt me…but it only brought me back to that cold darkness, that uncaring hatefulness that only I could honestly possess. I was a bitter doll with strings tied around my neck as well. I…can't even hate Sephiroth, knowing I am less of a person than he is. In this sense, he will always be my master.

Another reason I don't want to go back… There's too much I don't want to let happen again. Sephiroth may very well kill Aeris again…and this time I won't be able to bring her back. But…I can not tempt fate's bony fingers any further.

As I sat in the alley, I closed my eyes as I let a soft laugh exit my lips. I leaned against my sword and remembered something else I hadn't expected. That coward whom was almost as bad as I was had done something I knew Aeris never could. He stepped out of the Gummi Ship when I announced my will to stay and stood beside me, turning to face the others as though it was our joint decision.

__

"There's someone here I must protect," he had muttered and placed his hand over his face.

Leon…Squall Leonheart… That coward that changed his name because he wanted to forget. If he couldn't accept who he had always been, then he'd never be able to protect anyone. As if I'm one to talk… I lied to myself to years.

__

"Who is it?" I had asked on the way back to that small house that used to hold four people…five when I came.

__

"A childhood friend," he had returned with a small smirk on his face as he remembered.

Since that day, I had taken to hiding in that damp alley where the water dripped from the ceiling and I was surrounded by that comforting green-tinted darkness. I liked to listen to the drops of water fall from the ceiling as my as fell closed and I had nightmares that taunted me through the night. I would wake up, sweating with my heart beating rapidly in panic. I didn't want Sephiroth to have so much power over my empty shell…my body… How it hurt…that blinding pain of exhaustion that made my chest heavy and caused it to be hard to breathe.

I hated fear. I hated how it controlled me. I hated Sephiroth. I hated how he controlled me.

I breathed deeply one afternoon, wondering if the world above had a setting sun. I leaned closed my eyes and enjoyed the cold air, wondering who it was Leon would be protecting. I shrugged to myself and looked up. If I had time…maybe all the pain could drift away. If I had time…maybe I could realize all that had happened. There was nothing to do anymore but attempt to understand.

I chuckled to myself, wondering how it was I could ever understand. I felt that wing escape my back, that black cursed wing that marked me as a fallen angel. I dropped the sword on the ground, knowing there was no one around to pick it up and use it against me. It was just there because I couldn't seem to forget the violence.

I lifted my hands towards my wings and started to pull at the feathers, feeling the pain, feeling the blood. If they were whiter…maybe I'd still be pure. Maybe if it was the wing of a dragonfly instead of the wing of a fallen angel then I could be released from my master. Hopes don't lead to results, so hoping is a pathetic waste of time.

I watched in morbid fascination as the blood dripped down my fingers, moving over the stains I could still see from Vincent. Does it hurt? Of course it hurt…but that's what made me remember. I was still alive… I was still in control. I would never fail… I would never die until I could be free.

I closed my eyes and laid down against the ground, pressing against my wing as the pain flew throughout me. I was bleeding…I hurt… I was still alive. It was pathetic how many times I had to say that over in my head to promise myself it was true. I didn't always believe it at times…I just had to keep those words flowing through my mind in a continuous dance.

It's a promise to myself… I promise I'm alive. I promise I won't die until I can identify my light…the light…that less shadowed one. I won't find the one without reflections person here, but that's what I want when it comes down to it. I don't want to reflect on them and make them darker. I…still don't understand why they didn't just leave me. That person…if I could just identify that person then the curiosity would cease.


	2. Communication's Wire

It was getting dark…even I was having issues seeing anymore. That damned being without a shadow reflecting on them wasn't even there this time. It was the darkness that started to blind me. Blood loss? Maybe, who knows…who cares? I'll never die. That person likes to play with me too much. I'm the most fun when my strings are being ripped off of me. I'm the most fun when I have tears dripping from my eyes. Funny…and I thought someone would like me whole. I can see why he laughs, though, it's because misery is just so damn hilarious.

Why do people hurt? Because they feel. If we all became numb the pain would fly away, like a butterfly from its cocoon at the first sun its small wings touch. I would fly away too…but I only have one wing, and it hurts, throbbing. I'm not numb yet…but one day, maybe I will be. I don't know yet; I haven't really put too much thought into my death yet. Maybe later, when my eyes aren't so heavy…maybe later when I don't consider freedom my death anymore.

My wing is clipped…so I couldn't fly away even if I wished to. Foot steps…echoing through the alleyway, burning my ears. No one should come here; no one should exist here but me.

"What…?" a voice echoed in the darkness as I chuckled slightly, knowing the voice.

Squall…Leon, that coward had found my bleeding with feathers pulled from my wings. I smirked and lifted my hand across my face, brushing my blood around with it smearing across my face. It was so warm…

"Blood…" he commented as I felt his arms pull me up and throw me over his shoulder, grabbing onto my buster sword with his own gun blade clanking against his leg.

I slowly opened my eyes and watched as he cast heal on my leg, with that familiar soft light brushing across my wing and dissolving the blood, lifting the feathers back onto the wing. I looked up at Squall and leaned my head against his back as I frowned at how pathetic it was that I needed another person to carry me.

"I can walk," I muttered under my breath as I pushed myself from his back and lifted my sword from his hand.

I glanced around and leaned against him as we walked out, still feeling a bit strange. I could find out if it was time for the setting sun outside. I yawned with exhaustion. Even after getting healed it still wiped people out to recover. He didn't seem to mind that I was touching him, which was nice for the most part. I wouldn't have to worry about anything for the time being. When I felt better, I would go back…but for now with the way he lead it seemed as though he wanted me to be somewhere else. I guess even cold guys like us can get lonely.

He opened the door to that small house and pushed me in, making me stumble on my own feet until I landed on the bed and closed my eyes, just laying with my stomach against the bed and my eyes tightly closed. It was so much softer than that hard, cold ground. Maybe it would be alright to sleep there for one night. Maybe no one would mind…no one would notice. I knew there was only one bed in that small shack…made me wonder if Aeris had ever shared it with Squall or Cid. Yuffie had always had the standard of wealth and perfect looks, which made guys like Squall and I relatively safe…Cid was completely safe seeing that he didn't have either.

"Don't look so isolated. You separated yourself from everyone to begin with," he grumbled.

Squall leaned his sword against the door, making a loud banging sound that made me open my eyes to watch him. He pulled off his jacket and shirt, his many belts, his shoes, his socks, and his pants, leaving only his boxers. He kneeled down next to me and looked over me for a moment until he started to pull my rancid cloak off of me.

"Don't touch Vincent's things," I snapped at him with my eyes narrowing.

He rolled his eyes and ripped it off of me, heading to my shoulder armor and my other clothing as well. I scowled as my clothing was ripped off of me until I was only in my boxers as well. He took a glance at my underwear and started to pull those off me as well, pulling at the feathers of my wing when I tried to resist.

"You need a shower. We'll bother with that in the morning though. Put these on," he instructed as he threw a pair of extra boxers at me.

I pulled them over my waist and watched as he threw all my clothes into a basket with all of his other dirty clothes. Looked like I was in trouble and would be stuck here until he decided to do laundry. He plopped down next to me and stared over me for a minute before just sighed.

"Idiot, you haven't been eating, have you?" he scorned.

He was the idiot. Obviously I hadn't been eating if I was hiding in that alley for such a long time. He wasn't too bright, apparently. I just groaned and rolled over to my side as I closed my eyes. It was night, not sunset. According to the night stand's clock it was about three in the morning. I wondered if I should even bother responding when it was obvious he was far lonelier than I was.

"I haven't eaten since I went down there…" I mumbled as I returned my wing to my back.

From the ruffling of the sheets I knew he had nodded in a sleepy manner. I shrugged and started to sink into my sleep, knowing it would be accompanied by a nightmare. I knew I'd see it…Sephiroth.

Those green eyes…that silver hair… That blank psychotic look across his face as I felt his fingers running across my body, stroking my cheek. I felt his lips against mine, pushing against me in search of something…that thing that would never be there. Lust? Love? I never knew what it was he wanted, but I just wanted to give it to him so he'd leave me alone. I hated being his puppet…hated kissing back when my arms would tremble in fear.

__

"I don't want to return to the way I was," my mind would scream as I started to feel familiar tears drip down my face. This was what Sephiroth always brought me…such pain, such misery, and so many thoughts I have forgotten years ago. I…could never let my sword go because one day, I would kill the puppet master. I would slit his throat and watch as my arms became my own, my hands bent the way I desired them to move. I didn't know how long it would take…but one day, I swore I would achieve that peace.

I could only wish that one day a dream would know the conscious desire, but until then…I would be his doll to play with as I slept.


	3. Nightmare's Wire

The sword through my chest…the blood filling my lungs… I couldn't breathe; I was suffocating. I gasped as much as I could, but all I could do was drink my own blood and feel my heavy chest. I held my hand against it, not even bothering to attempt removing the sword that impaled me. So this was how Sephiroth wanted to watch me die… He wanted to lick the blood off my chest just like this. He wanted to smirk at me…just like that. Then when he was done he wanted to lay his head against my shoulder and brush his blood-stained fingers through my light hair, staining it for eternity, for he would never let my corpse rot. He had always wanted to kiss along my neck as I began to sweat and tremble from the pain. Just like that…everything was just like that moment.

"Cloud…" I heard his low voice whisper in my ear with his fingers trailing over my lips and the darkness coming with splotches of blood red.

He lifted his arms to my shoulders and started to shake me, getting irritated with me. Why…? Hadn't I died just the way he had always wanted? He continued to say my name, merging into a stream of noise. It was all just static. I couldn't hear anything anymore…just that constant buzzing hiss in the back of my mind.

Sephiroth…let my final rest be peaceful…

"Cloud…idiot," he murmured again as he pushed my body to the side with the sword falling from my chest.

It was dark…so dark… I wasn't dead yet… Why couldn't it just end so that pathetically easy serene escape could wash over my eyes?

I felt my chest… It was dry minus the sweat. I felt my face that was mixed with tears and sweat. I looked down below me and saw I was kneeling beside the bed I had ended up sharing with Squall, and that I was wheezing, incapable of breathing. I gasped and pressed my hand against my chest. It felt so heavy…just as though I hadn't been able to do anything. It weighed so greatly against me that it hurt… It hurt so much…

I felt an arm around me and pushed it off. Sephiroth, I still have control of my body now…I won't let you near me. I'll hide… I just need to get farther away…

Tears kept dripping down my face as though all the liquid from me would drain from there. I curled up and looked to the side, not wanting anyone to see how weak I was. I was scared…I had emotion…it was something I never wanted to have happen to me. I covered my eyes with my hands, trying to wipe it away.

That arm came back around me, but more gently this time, and somewhat timid. I leaned against its body and closed my eyes, not caring who it was anymore. I was weak, pathetic, and even so I deserved just a moment of peace.

"Breathe out of this," a voice instructed while a hand held out a paper bag to me.

I took it and covered my mouth with it as I gasped for air there instead. I watched the bag open and close as I tried to slow my breathing to a normal pace. It slowed down and at last I was breathing at the same level I would be if I had been running. It was better…much better…and I was actually getting air now.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" the voice…Squall…asked me.

"If I told you it'd waste my time," I muttered in response as I leaned back against the bed. "It's just the past anyway. What good comes from memories?"

"A nightmare that you can die from," he replied, suggesting what it must have been like to wake up to me having a night terror.

I shrugged and stood up, remembering I was still in Squall's boxers, and that the named boxers were drenched in my sweat. I'd slept in worse, so I walked back into the bed and knew exactly where I'd been sleeping by the feeling of the sheets. I leaned into them and closed my eyes, drifting off again.

"Hey…maybe you should just stay awake for now… We need to change the sheets," Squall mumbled as he pulled me by the shoulder.

"Don't make it sound like I wet the bed," I grumbled as I was pulled from my potential slumber and to the floor.

I leaned against the wall and watched him eye the boxers for a moment before he shook his head and went to his closet again, throwing a different pair at me and a wife-beater to go with it. I grunted and pulled off his blue boxers and slipped on the red ones. Red always reminded me of Vincent…and Vincent reminded me of Sephiroth. If I ever wanted to just think about him I'd always be pulled back to my puppet-master.

I pulled the wife-beater on next, watching as Squall pulled off the sheets and tossed them into the basket that Vincent's cloak and the rest of my clothes was in as he pulled on clean white ones. I stumbled forward in exhaustion, just as I usually did since a complete night of sleep was unheard of to me.

I could still remember…the first time I'd seen Squall after I had slept there for a few weeks. Squall had scene my dreams before, so I don't know why he bothered asking. It was obvious…or at least I always thought Yuffie and Aeris would spill it out eventually or gossip about the murderer constantly. Then again…I wasn't even really sure if they knew. I just thought everyone would most likely be able to just assume it.

__

"Squall…?"

"Leon."

"Why Leon?"

"I lost someone important to me…I want to lose that weakness."

"Coward…"

"…What did you run from that gives you such nightmares?"

"Myself."

Sephiroth…was me. Or rather…I was him, for he was the one that moved my strings so that I could bend my arms and legs and no longer be tormented with the pain of thinking. Just a doll, bowing to his master's will. With that final thought, the bed was made and I was pushed back into it, closing my eyes and falling into my cruel dreams before my head hit the pillow.

Notes: XD All I have to do is whine a little and you guys give me love T___T I'm so happy T__T *returns the love* This is my punishment for mocking you, isn't it? O_o; . This is cruel… (And for those that are confused…punishment=comments=have to keep writing=need more caffeine since playing B+W and .hack//MUTATION distracted me most of the day and it's currently 3:33 AM XD)  
  
Mazzie Leonhart - XD Yes ma'am…or sir o.o;

  
Jade Phoenix - Updating once a day XD Or later once a day if I keep getting distracted by video games . Evil little things they are… And I'm glad you like it ^^ (Squall/Cloud=LOOVE XD)  
  
Rune Ayame - I've been favorite-ed o.o;;; Thank you X3 I don't usually write fan fics O_o; Fui makes me write original stuffs with boy on boy sex every 7 pages and angst stained blood scenes between ^^ How I love Fui and her slave-driver ways X3 She banned me from fan fics a while ago, I think o.o; I just got this strange urge to write a KH one when I listened to Garbage and then switched to Ayumi Hamasaki songs where Ayumi Hamasaki doesn't sing… Weird mix .;  
  
Elven-eyes: Aww, but I wanted to make Sephiroth all submissive and caring XD Actually, having issues with Squall… He keeps pretending to be an uke . I have to smack him and let him hog tie Cloud naked to a chimney in order to keep him on his cold distant manly-ness. Yeah, it isn't working too well in case you haven't noticed .;  
  
Redtail-kun: O_o;;; Artistic? Elegant? O_o;;; Not at all… Annnnnngst is definitely there, I can't argue that one XD I should retitle it "The mellow-drama of Cloud Strife" XD  
  
Toaster: You keep reading I'll keep writing o.o Unless my homework eats me…then I'll keep bitching and you can keep…umm…not reading XD  
  
Aaaand, finally! The thing I missed most about fan fics was replying to all the comments X3 It takes up more room than the actual fic part O_o;; Hmm, maybe I shouldn't do that T__T


	4. Dream's Wire

I didn't have a nightmare that night… I was just running, chasing through the wind in a world that was not familiar to me. I crossed plains of thunder, lands of fog with large tree roots all about and beings that looked as though they too were clones. I did all this until I fell out of a place called "Lunatic Pandora". I moved across the ground, feeling my resistant legs as I watched the world about me. It was all like a desert wasteland… So I kept running, sensing a storm that seemed to combine all the thunder and fog that I had just passed and adding the pollution of that lower plate I had lived under for a time. Then emerged a girl with large white wings that lightened the landscape in a blue dress with blood stains on the chest.

__

"Ri…noa…" my voice murmured without me knowing of it. That girl…was that person.

This strange brotherly feeling came over me… Or at least that's what I thought it was. I had been an only child, so I wasn't so sure if that's what it would feel like. But I hated her…so much…but I didn't want her to die for the sake of others, like a brother would want his sister to live for their parents.

I tried to approach her, even if she was so far off in the distance. I took steps, slowly trying to move towards her until she just kept moving away. If someone is above you, you can't fly to them if you're human. You can never reach that which is above you until you gain wings…lose your humanity.

I wasn't human, so I let my wing cut through my flesh and flew up into the sky after, her, grabbing her by her shoulders and looking at her fear me. She tried to get away; she wanted to escape, but all I could bring myself to do was put my hands around her throat. Her black hair started to look longer… Her mouth smiling… All I wanted to do was kill her…kill Tifa for what she'd allowed me to do.

When I heard that silenced gasping sound I loosened my grip and saw the girl in her true form. Rinoa…not Tifa. It was Squall that must have had that brotherly feeling. It was Squall that had wanted to protect her, had failed. It was Squall that was pushed to the edge of anger to the point where he lifted his own sword and stabbed her through the chest.

That blood there on her dress…was from Squall. But who had he killed her for? Names flooded my mind… Seifer, Irvine, Zell, Laguna… None of them? All of them…? So Squall's weakness…was his affection for another person.

__

"He killed you?" I asked the girl.

"It's my penalty. Soon I'll return to my cage and have my wings clipped. This is the price of caring. Death. It was worth it to me…but if you want to approach that person…" she started before falling silent and falling to the ground.

I only had one wing, so I must have been more human than the one that would sink through the ocean water with her white feathers floating at the top. I wasn't that bad yet, even if I was stained black.

I opened my eyes and saw Squall right above me with his forehead against mine. I stared at him for a moment before I shoved him away. He had distracted me for a moment, but the dead know the best solutions to the problems they could have avoided, so I would do as the one that reminded me of Tifa suggested. Stay far away from death…because it means that everything will end.

I'm not ready to die yet.

"You have a fever," Squall muttered under his breath as he pulled me out of the bed. "It's time for you to take a bath. You smell horrible."

He pulled the single door exiting the room open and pointed towards where the bathtub was. I slowly stood up, rubbing my head as I pulled the boxers off in front of him, deciding he'd seen my endowments enough to have memorized what they look like. Besides, I was used to being naked under the public eye while in a fish tank for people to watch me swim around for hours, trying to figure out what I was. That's what that whole thing with Sephiroth had been about since the beginning of the journey anyway. I was a specimen to be watched by Hojo…and Sephiroth, as well as everyone I knew of from Wedge to Yuffie. I put on the most interesting show with my blood pouring and my tears dripping.

No one could swim as fast as I could.

"I'm going to go wash the sheets and clothes…you better be here when I get back," he muttered as he glanced over my body, sizing me up for competition. He thought I'd attack him, apparently.

He turned to go and shut the door behind him, leaving me alone to turn on the shower and slip underneath the beating water. It would be nice to clean my hair. I glanced to the size to look over what options I had for bathing. I stared for a moment when I saw raspberry scented soap and just shook my head as I sighed and looked away. I hadn't exactly expected to see something like that in such a cold guy's bathroom.

I washed my hair and body in haste, not feeling like sitting around there much longer. I just wanted to get into my clothes again so I could smell Vincent again…that mix of roses and blood. It comforted me in such a strange way…

I finished and sat against the headboard enjoying my cleanliness. I only wished that there had been sheets or something, but Squall had seemed to have ran out. I closed my eyes, just thinking about that girl as I waited for Squall to return. Strange…how I could so easily mistake her for Tifa. I wouldn't ever be able to think of Rinoa without connecting her to Tifa…so I'd have to hate her, just because she looked like someone else. I'm sure…that had I known her I'd have a better reason to hate her.

"Back," I was greeted, feeling like I was a housewife for a brief moment.

"Welcome home, honey," I replied as I rolled over onto my side and closed my eyes. With any luck he'd give me a new pair of boxers to wear. It was getting cold down there, and it hadn't helped that there hadn't been any towels.

"Here, asshole," he muttered as he threw bunny boxers with little pink hearts on them at my face. I raised an eyebrow at him as I reluctantly slipped them on, only to see him sigh. "Yuffie," he had said, as though it explained everything…which it did.

I sat for a moment, just watching him fold up the clothes before I rolled off the bed to give him a chance to put sheets on it. He grumbled something about me being lazy before he slipped the sheets on and the pillow cases. I chuckled under my breath and leaned against a wall, wondering if I should bother trying to speak to him.

"Is Rinoa who you want to protect?" I asked him, already knowing the girl was dead. Maybe I could hit a sore spot…make him angry. It seemed promising on the outside.

"…Who was it that told you that name?"

"I had a dream last night…where I didn't suffer and instead she did… Do you want to protect her from me, Squall?"

"No…it's better the pain is spread out…"

I wanted to ask why he couldn't just say she was dead. I wanted to ask why he didn't just say he killed her, but then I remembered it didn't really matter what he didn't want to say. We were too lost as it was. We had a long way to go before everything was better, but even so…our pains were different, so we'd never work together on them. This is why people like us would always be alone. It almost hurt…but I'd been alone since birth…

Notes: Done earlier than usual XD That's right, it's only 1 AM! Whee X3 (I update so late that I wonder if it counts as an update for the 31st or 30th? I guess it doesn't matter since I keep about the same schedule anyway ^^) I hope you guys enjoy it, it was sort of hard to not stab Rinoa with a spork D What? . I didn't make *all* the girls dead, just the ones that should be dead ^^ Well…Kairi should be dead Diiiie *stabs* Oh yeah, Yuffie is god XD I should make her visit…wait, no, that'd be completely off whatever slight plot is happening…meh *stops rambling*

Hmm, I'm really tired and want some ice cream (school clothes shopping=exhaustion) so I think I'm going to pass replying to everyone's comments today… Though, I am updating, and I think you can wait a day =P Maybe…hmm o.o and yes, spread the Cloud/Squall-Leon…wonder who will be seme? My bet's on Squall at the moment x.x; Who knows…Cloud could go happily domineering though… ^___^


	5. Reason's Wire

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"I am 'God'. This person they all pray to…it is me. Only I can change the world so greatly. I am the one that interferes with human life, and I am the one that has the power to destroy this planet. Truly, I am 'God', don't you agree? What else does a god do? Create the world? But what would a god do afterwards that matters? If they merely create it…then there is no need for a god."

Hmm…what a bad memory. It seemed that all I could do was dwell on the past, remembering words my puppet-master had told me. I frowned and glanced over at the side with my eyes sliding shut and the echoing footsteps of Squall coming closer traveling past my ears.

"Hey, don't you think you've slept enough?" Squall asked as he smacked the back of my head lightly.

"Hn…I suppose… Is that person so important that you couldn't even bother going home again?"

I saw him hesitate for a moment, glancing at me for a moment and then shrugging as though it wasn't of too much importance. I couldn't blame him really. I guess I was being too direct but it didn't really matter. I didn't want him as a friend or anything else, so whatever happened to him was of little importance to me.

"I'm hiding too…" he replied.

I watched him for a moment before I nodded and walked to my sword, throwing it over my shoulder as I smirked slightly. Well…he didn't seem too surprised. He held his arm out and wrapped it around my shoulder as he pulled me against his chest. I pushed myself off of him and stared at him. Was he crazy? Hmm…he must have been really lonely if he'd touch me.

He stared at me for a moment, looking confused at his own actions until I spoke up, asking, "What is it a god does?"

Squall looked down at his hands for a moment and then leaned closer to me, whispering quietly in a hesitant matter, "Well…I suppose they watch over people, protect them…give them morals…"

"So couldn't a human become a god because of this?" I questioned again, looking at him in a curious manner.

"I…suppose…kings would be like gods then…but a god would need to be superior to human kind too…"

Sephiroth…couldn't apply for quite a bit of that, but it was coming from Squall so I couldn't be sure. I wondered though…could gods die? If not, then surely Sephiroth was one. He'd never die… He seemed so immortal, no matter how hard I tried to kill him, he was always better than me. Had Hojo planned it to be like that? He made me weaker than him, more pathetic…or was it just because I was a failure?

Broken things can be the most fun to play with. Slight my throat and maybe I'll make a prettier noise.

"Must have been an amazing person to keep you so far away," I commented after enough silence had settled in to make it obvious we were changing the subject.

He pulled the Buster Sword from my hand and slipped it into the closet, seeming like he had no interest in answering me at the moment. I decided I didn't care to talk either; I had other things to worry about, I just couldn't seem to think of them at the moment.

"So am I being held captive now?" I asked as I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah…I think so," he responded with a very small smirk on his face.

"…There's someone that'll take me away from here. But I think there's less pain if I stay with you."

Squall tilted his head at me for a moment and then grabbed onto my arm, pulling me towards his closet as he opened up the door, trying to find some normal clothes for me besides his underwear. He looked like a kid trying to find the leash for his dog so he could take him outside to pee. Hmm, didn't sound too bad being Squall's new puppy.

It seemed familiar…so I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Squall's forehead before I stood up on my own and sat down beside him. He looked baffled for only a moment before he turned my head towards him and pressed a much longer and harder kiss against my lips.

"Are you trying to repay me?" he asked, trying to understand.

"You remind me of someone…" I told him.

He seemed safer than the one that he reminded me of, so I would do what he wanted as though he was my puppet master as well. It didn't matter who it was, in the end it was just about control anyway. If I could figure out how to own Squall, then maybe I could cut my wires and run free.

So…if I could break the master, maybe he would become my toy. It was worth the attempt at least. I didn't want to live out the rest of my life as the ripped up doll of a demon bent on godliness. I didn't want to be the toy soldier that shot the first round.

It's better to be a dog than a doll…

"If it's payment then I don't want it."

"Think of it as you will, but if this is what you want you won't be rid of me for quite some time…"

With those words said I pushed him to the ground with the T-shirt slipping out of his hands and my lips slipping onto his. His eyes stared at me in wide surprise but slowly sealed his eyes and leaned against me, just letting me do as I pleased. I quickly realized all the advantages of having such a small amount of clothing on…

Notes: For those perverts thinking "advantage? What? Quicker sex?" Yes, yes you are right ^^ If no one thought that…I'm very ashamed . SQUALL AND CLOUD HAD SEX XD (but I'm trying to keep this PG-13...and I'm too tired to write sex ^^ After writing that 4 page orgy for Fui I'm a little tired of it XD Now then! Onwards…)

My little Rubber: It is slash…see! They had seeeeex! Hmm, funny time to do it though… "*kisses on forehead**snogs**angst**buttsex!*" Great order, don't you think? O_o;

Ayame: Q) What should guys drink to boink? Oh yeah…and I can't write normal things o.o; I try but… *sobs* I'm a failure T_T

Okayu: I never said she was dead…yet D

Louie: Commenting on Kairi is a waste of time XD I'm too lazy… ^__^ So she can just be umm…frolicking at a beach somewhere…where no one else is for her to annoy ^^ And I love seme/seme relationships XD They can battle for top o.o;

Thank you in advance for reviews ^____^ *smile smile wink wink* They give me an excuse to make Fui draw KH fan art XD "But looook, I even put it ooonliiiiine"… It worked for the Ogi (Omi/Nagi) stuff ^__^ *cackles* Err…right, back to umm…that thing I was doing… Oh yeah, I'm supposed to draw O_o; Maybe I'll try Leon/Cloud fanart…cause I'm boring and can't think of anything~!


	6. Deception's Wire

I watched the light enter through the cloud's in a faded manner. It wasn't as bright as the pure light from the sun, but instead dimmed by the lies of the clouds. The clouds protected me from the sun, and so I was thankful to it. Lies always had a nice way of shielding me from the truth. That's how I could believe I had lived Zachs' life for so long. That was what saved me from so much pain…until the truth hit me and Tifa's lies became a tool for my torture. Until finally I saw the truth; I saw Sephiroth.

Sephiroth was honesty. Maybe he really was a god.

He exposed so much of the world to me, making me bleed as the images stung my eyes. How I cried so many endless tears when I started to understand. How I wanted to stab my eyes so I could be blind and remain blind until the day I died. Then I'd never see the truth again, and I could be deaf, numb, and dumb from them. Then in time, even taste would fade.

But such idealism would never change the world. Nor would people shouting that they wanted equality. The only way to change this is to kill the people in charge and over run them. It sounds like a mad man's words unless you think on it… After all, what good did Avalanche achieve? Their purpose couldn't even be lived out because something much, much more important showed its face.

Don't try to change anything. Don't hope for something better. This is all there is…this is all there ever will be. I tried to stop Sephiroth…and then in the end he's still there, still alive… He must have had a temporary death, just like Aerith… Or…something else… I don't know what, but I know that my idealism…my will to make things change failed. This is all there is…this is all there ever will be.

"Hey…you awake?" S-…Leon asked me even though I was staring down at him.

"Yes…" I replied, feeling his arms wrap around me.

It felt…warm, safe. I liked him being so close and being there to support me. That was also the last thing I needed. A feeling of security would make me lose my edge…would make me lose in a battle against Sephiroth. I'd killed him once… Or maybe I'd just hurt him enough to let the materia of Aerith's go into effect. Maybe all that needed to happen was for him to lose his consciousness.

Maybe…but I didn't care to remember. It was the past, that daunting thing that haunted me with every step I took and every breath that passed through my lungs. It was always there, echoing through my mind to the point where I just wished I could cut it out of me, remove it from me for all eternity. I just wanted to know the present, not the future or the past.

Then I wouldn't have to be the way I am anymore. I wouldn't be chained to anyone… I wouldn't be bitter that I had to meet so many misfortunes. And I wouldn't know that one day Sephiroth will find me…and that one day I will die. With just the present, there's no death to think of.

Leon lifted his head up and kissed me softly on the lips before he sat up in the bed. "That was…" he started, not sure of whether or not he should say something positive or negative about the fact I had fucked him senseless the previous night. He went silent, not finishing his sentence and instead placed his lips against mine in a much more demanding manner.

I pushed him away and stood up from the bed. He blinked at me as though I had rejected him…or something. I ran my fingers through his hair, placing a kiss on the top of his forehead before I stood.

I looked down and saw exactly how naked I was. I chuckled under my breath and pulled on boxers and my pants before I laid back down on the bed. It was nice to sit like that sometimes, so that I could just relax for a moment and act like there weren't any ghosts haunting me.

"It was fun," I told Leon, trying to supply him with words since I figured he wouldn't finish his sentence on his own.

I pushed Leon down on the bed so I could get him some clothes to get dressed with as well, lifting his waist up so I could slip on boxers. Maybe later I would lay with him again, but I was content enough knowing that I didn't always have to be the fuck toy.

That was the first battle I had ever won with someone besides Vincent. Sex was a fight where someone always had to submit. In most relationships it was the female…but unfortunately for me I wasn't interested in something with so many holes that I hadn't created. This time, for the first time in such a long while, I hadn't had to… But with Vincent, it wasn't really a battle anymore. It was more like an offering. The one that submitted had the hardest roll to take…so we usually took turns without the request being spoken.

That was true comfort, just like the comfort I gained from Leon. It was false…deceiving…and wouldn't last forever as it made me feel it would. That was what I had to escape now…before I became trapped. Though, it wasn't like Sephiroth's…

Sephiroth always made me feel as though I was suffocating in some great painful cage. Like I was being stabbed and as each day past the knife went deeper…and the blade grew so that it may go on for eternity.

I had suspicions…about what would happen. I just had to hope Sephiroth would never find me.

"Who is the one you wanted to protect?" I asked him quietly.

"A person whose name you will never know…"

Notes: Sorry about the long time to update T_T School starts tomorrow and I had to get some shopping done ^^ Oh! And guess what I forgot…school supplies! XD There's also some issues with one of my classes (evil IB coordinator has contacting people issues…hate hate )

Ayame: Keep thinking XD I'm sure you'll come up with an answer soon =3

Okayu: *sobs* Why? Why must school distract me from doing this? XD I looooove to keep up the… *edits a words* work ^^

Louie: Hmm…wonder if they can both be seme at the same time? XD Hmm, gives me something to think about in English tomorrow ^^ (btw, I'm convinced my whole English department is run by gay men XD I swear O_O; )

Chicken: I hope you like this chapter too o.o Thank you for reviewing so much XD *loves*

Hmm…updates will probably be every other day, or around that ^^ Depends on how much I have to do and what I want to do XD Don't worry…eventually there will be a plot o.o; Wait…do I have one? Dunno O_o;


	7. Age's Wire

The Answer:

__

Living is like a death on a snowfield. The path to a place to a pleasant, white purity is long, though much desired because as a person lives they never intend any evil actions. Only a sociopath and the likes would not feel remorse if they committed a vial crime. So it is only once a person has reached such a tranquil, serene state that they can die on their snowfield in peace, where they would, like blood on ivory, stand out for their good deeds. Due to the destination, the act of being is crossing many trials and creating a path that leads to the desired destination, whether it is sainthood or satisfaction with the life that has been had.

The Response:

__

The steps I take will forever be covered by the ever falling snow. It is that reason we strive for such a pure image, so that we can get to the point where others will cover our foot prints that stand out with their darkness against the pale snow. That is the only reason anyone would ever try to achieve an image of sainthood. Don't be confused in your idealistic views, they will only lead to trouble.

These are the torments that are caused by one's own thoughts. As we grow…we become more cynical and the truth unveils itself to the world…

Notes: This is vaguely related to the story, I just feel bad not posting anything, and I should be continuing meh origi stuff ( I can write sex there to my hearts content XD Aww, and the fluffy weird plots *_* Now…if only there were a couple female characters .) The first half (The Answer) was something I had to write for English class (yay for IB nerds XD) and so I accidentally wrote something I intended to throw in here later (plot? No clue what it is, suffer with me…) buuuut, since it came out I'm throwing it in now. 


	8. Heat's Wire

Someone…whose name I never wanted to know until now. Jealousy's eyes watched through me and stared at Leon as the sun fell through the sky. Is it love or hate? It was pain, I knew that much. But…even so…I don't think I could forgive. That thought that he would rather protect someone else. Jealousy, yes, anger…of course… But I never spoke with vehemence, for that was something no demon could provoke from my lips. I would stay, evermore, apathetic.

Immune to this cruel worlds pain… Maybe that's why I had always worried I'd become a Heartless. Mine was ice…what was the difference of never having one at all. It sounded so nice, the pretty words people put around emotion and feeling. "An angel's lips seduced him to an eternal slumber" rather than the "Old man was aged, tired, and sick of all the beatings life brought to him".

Seduce me and maybe I'll pay you some mind…

Either way, I needed a walk, a long walk, one that would preferably never end. I needed to get away since I was not a god; I hadn't the power to show Leon that he shouldn't hide things from me…as the one that would own him. Repayment? Maybe… I had nothing else to give, after all, except the clothes off my back and those had become too dear for me to let another touch. To think, of all things I had stripped a corpse of its damaged cloak that I had been the one to ruin. To think, of all things, it had been my lover's corpse at that. To think is such a bother. Maybe I'll focus on more…pointless things instead.

I could hear the sound of angel wings flapping in my hears. No…not wings…just one. I didn't know it could snow in Traverse Town until that day when I had left Leon inside to discover the world. The world meaning that small isolated place that was separated into even smaller districts. Yes…there…that tiny world, I almost wanted to escape. Curse the sadistic vile fiend that placed me on such a small rock. There was no room for me to move, or turn, or fuck at that.

And yet I wasn't the only one there… So many more people were crammed into that small space, watching…so close…with no escape. Maybe that was why, among other things, I wished to hide. Even so, the thought was boring and dragged out.

So I stepped in the snow, wondering if someone would cover my blackened steps. I wasn't a saint and I had never strived to be. People were evil, that was for sure… Sephiroth, who could say his intent was good? Maybe…if some psychotic asshole decided that obliterating the world was instead a form of purification, bringing us to a new place of peace…then it would be seen as a good intent. Though, even when I look at it like that it starts to seem like an angelic cause…like I had let people live for the wrong reason.

Another step and another print left in the snow. I had never noticed it before…how the snow filled in the foot steps on its own, as though I'd never been there. No sainthood needed to be acquired, you just need to stand alone so no one would know that the foot print had once been there.

With that I walked off more quickly, heading for the gate…heading for a mog, heading for something. I'd stayed there so long, looking for that light, and now I can't help but wonder if that light had just been…what naturally came from the door. …Yes, it wasn't a lighter-shadowed person, but rather an untainted beam. It wasn't someone helping me…

"But at best, it was you helping yourself," a husky voice muttered in my ear expectantly.

I turned around, as was to be expected, and saw before me Sephiroth. How…? When…? I hated the instant reactions of my body to ask these questions rather than the most important one. Why wasn't I running away? Or killing him? Why did I just stand there? That's what I really wanted to know…because I never understood myself.

"Indeed you did help yourself…" he said in a deep voice, pressing his lips to my neck. "As long as you admit that you're just a part of me. Are you willing to accept that yet?"

I had accepted it long ago, and now it was needless of question. So it had been Sephiroth…? It made sense in such a painful manner… But Leon felt so warm…so much like that light. It was foolish to kid myself, it was just the warmth of another body. Any body would do in the end.

Even Sephiroth's body was suitable.

"Because you're my clone…you're like my brother…my twin…myself," he continued, slipping his hand inside my pants to trap me. "I never knew you were the type to masturbate…always thought you'd just whore yourself to the closest living body."

What humor he did have was not amusing.

"I…can not be you," I muttered in resistance though it was pretty obvious my body didn't really care who the hell he was as long as his hand kept up the good work. The joys of knowing you're really nothing more than a mammal in search of more heat.

"And why not…?" he asked, pressing kisses to my neck now and lifting his other hand up my shirt.

Why not? Wasn't it pretty fucking obvious? I wouldn't feel up a guys chest like he had breasts.

"Because then I couldn't have killed you so many times…"

Well, it made sense before I said it…

What would happen if Leon saw us in the abandoned cold snow, looking like we were lovers rather than fuckers? What a morbid fascination I have with my own suffering. It was compelling though…the thought, the wonder…

If only all my curiosities came true like that one.

Leon exited the house, watched for a moment, until I let out a quieted moan in Sephiroth's ear, and walked right in front of us to sit down and watch the show. Sephiroth most certainly didn't seem to even pay any recognition to his presence, and as for me…well, I was the puppet and Sephiroth was the master. If he pulled the string for me to moan, there was nothing else I could do.

"No point in holding back, Cloud, everyone's already heard you," Leon muttered to me with his eyes focused on my pants and Sephiroth's hand.

Sephiroth stopped and smirked at Leon. "This is my property," he started as he looked down at me, making me want to escape…run away…hide in my rabbit hole, "and…in time, I'll come to reclaim it. Until then, feel free to finish it off."

Glad to see that I was so lowly I wasn't even given a gender anymore.

Though…I never expected Leon to take him up on the offer in the snow…in front of Sephiroth.

Notes: Yes, they're having sex. Sorry for the delay in updates…I'm very sick and my parents are doing that "You need to go to school anyway" thing. Yup, that's right, my parents want me to throw up on everyone in class and get them sick. Aren't they nice? As if I can stop myself from being sick . Yeah, I love my parents…like…not at all.

Aaaaaanyway~! That's why I've been having updating issues. Oh…that and I've been forced to draw. For the masochistic,  Yeah… That'd be my DA-ness. I'm not much of an artist XD (I don't even call myself that o.o The term is "doodler") Hmm…was there anything else I needed to mention… Oh! For the people that are mad that I'm not writing any sex/detailed sex here, I uploaded something on geocities just for you…because you apparently have way too much free time ^^ …and want smut… Sokay, I do too and I do too~! Whee, smut =3

Now…if someone does actually read it, tell me so I can laugh XD Right then…I have math homework to get to since it's the only homework they told us all about before we even go to class. (I have a little schedule of 2 weeks of math homework written down…only need to do one more assignment for the week that's been done though ^^ And then…I'm going back to sleep.)

Oh! Almost forgot, I FIXED CHAPTER TWOOOOO~! (I realized I only uploaded the second half of it XD Oops o.o; )


	9. Innocence's Wire

Remaining detached had always been the blissful characteristic of ice. Well…no, not really detached, but rather farther spread apart. If it moved closer it would be denser than water, then where would we be? We'd all be frozen or starved, animals gone, cells dead…and hungry, so hungry.

Not to say we're really in any other place. Whether I was hungry from the ache in my stomach or the ache in my body that screamed and starved for that heat…it was the same situation. My stomach wanted the warmth of food, and my body wanted the warmth of any other living thing willing to separate me from the filaments that attached me to Sephiroth for just a moment.

That must have been it. All I saw in Leon was heat, a moment, a second of freedom. Nothing more…not even less shadows.

Realization always moves me to laughter. A chuckle, a grin, a sly slip of the tongue where my true intentions may be revealed. I don't even know what those are anymore, so it really can't matter too much. I live to lie, and in my living is lies. That's all there is to really know. Anything that slips out will not be known by me nor any other organic being.

I just wish Sephiroth didn't insist on watching when Leon fucked me. He was so violent too… He had been mad, it seemed, when he did it so roughly it brought me back to those days with Sephiroth. The pushing…the violence…the blood…just one more drop and I may never wake up again. Those had been my hopes from that time. When did it all start?

__

So long ago…

It was like listening to a story when my thoughts started that way. A response to my own question and not even in my voice. Whom had I stolen the identity of to verify myself? Zax…that's right… He was the victim in all of this. I had taken from him what he could have only lost that time. You have to be dead to have such a thing taken from you. Have to be alive to be willing to take it.

__

"Hey little boy…where did you come from?"

Youth is funny. People always tell you that you'll regret wasting it, but I always wondered why I had taken so long to rush through it. Even as I grew up, I wanted to know why I had been young…why I had been innocent for just that one moment. That's when it started. I should have never left home.

__

"Nibelheim…"

It was Tifa's fault…so much of this would have never happened if it wasn't for her. I began to believe I was Zax…I could have been stopped so long before. I never became something better… In SOLDIER I was always so weak… So weak…and would never amount to anything.

__

"Name and age?"

"Cloud Strife, 13-years-old."

I remembered it now as Leon so violently hurt me. I had known him before that time…not too long… But that was a different memory to be relieved at a different time. Memory was such a violent raping existence, that pulled back constantly to what it started out as.

__

"Follow me and I'll teach you what you need to be protected from."

Raping bastard… I was just 13... Even then I had a chance, such a slim chance…but just a hope of happiness that he ripped away from me. I hate him. I hate him… If I could do it all again I would have ripped it off before he could tie my hands behind my back and push it into my mouth and any other hole he found in my body.

But to me, even as I cried, he was a god. I had admired him for so long, and then to have it all ripped away like that…well…it made me understand. He was not so great. He wasn't so perfect. He needed the heat just as much as I did, but what was he hiding from? It didn't matter when it came down to it. All that really seemed to hold its worth was thought, and even that was as cheap as a hooker.

That was innocence. That was how quickly it could fade. Someone just needed to take it from me, then it would never return. I missed it… I wanted it back…

"It hurts," I murmured into Leon's ear with the tears falling from my eyes as my body trembled underneath him.

It was too cold… I was too tired. Even clinging to his back I felt like there was no heat there. I shivered, I shook…I just wanted more, was that wrong? I just wanted to go back and fix all that had gone wrong…was it really impossible? Stranger things have happened. I had been born, after all.

Leon stopped. He looked down at me as though he had been possessed and awakened later to see he had ripped the head off his favorite doll. He stood immediately and stepped back a few times as he looked down at me with surprised eyes. Even though I thought he would run away in the opposite direction, he picked me up and pulled my clothes on the rest of the way as he looked threateningly over at Sephiroth. Maybe I was his favorite doll…even if I was broken. Enough glue would fix me for a moment, until I broke again and again so that the pieces couldn't be put back together again.

Sephiroth…left. He burst into a cloud of feathers and faded from that place, but I knew he was still there, waiting for me…wanting to take me away so he could possess me yet again. What a sadistic god I knew. I wished I could have prayed at a time when a kinder one would come to me. I would never be so fortunate.

It would have been better to just stay as a child and cling onto Squall's innocence along with mine. It would have been nice, just to hold him, just to be friends. He was my childhood love, after all.

__

"When we get older, I will be your wife, Cloud!"

Of course, he lived in that orphanage…and I lived with…with…was she my mother? No…she must have been Zax's. Maybe it wasn't Tifa's fault I went to SOLDIER and was raped by Sephiroth, it's just her fault I can't remember. Must have been Zax's promise to her… I can't really remember the truth anymore. I have always been alone…that's the truth, isn't it? My real childhood must have been those moments with Squall…or…did that belong to that other person too?

It doesn't make sense anymore. I'm so lost in thought that even thinking appears as a dream. I hate thoughts. They drag on, never end, and for a second they seem to be truth. Then when I wake up in the morning it was nothing more than a faded dream of anticipation.

"Cloud…I'm sorry…" Squall…no, he wasn't Squall from that time, rather Leon of this. He whispered it in such a soft tone I felt like he could protect me from the pain. "I don't know…"

"It's fine. It's happened before," I replied as he placed me against the small bed and leaned against me with his head to my chest and his tears dampening my clothes more than the melting snow. I hadn't expected it. Emotion had been forgotten so long ago. Or had it ever existed in me…?

"You're…the one I want to protect," he said in a trembling voice, and then I understood his failure. As long as he had seen that he had hurt me, then he would also see that he had done the most inexcusable of crimes.

"Then…you were my light…"

Notes: Aren't kids cute? ^^ Annnnyway, hardly anyone's been commenting from before, so I think you all stopped reading. So…no love then I guess I can consider this the end of the fic since it's as good a stopping place as any other ^^ There's other stuff I can ramble on about though if anyone is interested, so feel free to tell me what to do XD I'm sick again ._. But I have a four day weekend ^^ Hmm, RO is goodness.


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